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07 November 2007 @ 02:05 pm
So much more complicated than I thought it was going to be, but in the end, the result was what I thought it was going to be.

So, she liked another guy before she met me. Then she met me, and we got to know each other. Then she and I start hanging out together. Well, they also regularly hang out together. Then they go out for...a day. Then they break up. Well, I told her I liked her on Friday. She told me she doesn't know if she likes me like that. Then she told me the rest of the story. I've asked her to hang out a couple times since then, and she's had an excuse every time. Perhaps coincidence, but then again, something doesn't feel right. Seems like she's already made her decision.

Girls suck. Cody, someday you and I shall have a debate on whether boys or girls are worse to try to start relationships with. Perhaps equal?
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Bodyjar - Not the Same
27 October 2007 @ 12:15 am
So, haven't posted in a while, have I? A little drunk right now, so why not.

Well, in case you didn't already know, Saori and I broke up around the end of August. Well, it was so much a "we broke up" kind of thing as "she broke up with me". She liked another guy, so I let her go. I love her, so I want her to be happy. I hope she's happy now.

School has been pretty awesome. Well, not so much school as everything surrounding school. Classes are soso. Frankly far too long. 3 hours a day, 4 days a week. I would say we waste a good hour every class. They'd be better off shortening them.

Had sex with a girl, turned out to be a one-nighter. Too bad, she was sweet. She just started ignoring me though. Well, fuck her.

I'm kinda in like with a girl right now. Her name is Aya. She's really cute. I'm dying to kiss her.

Is my life shallow? Seems like it right now. But fuck it, I just want some female company. And Aya's voice is beautiful.
Current Location: My room, Sapporo, Japan
Current Music: Fantastipo
04 September 2007 @ 08:16 pm
I'm leaving for Sapporo tomorrow (I'm in Kyoto now). I'll post what my address is in Sapporo when I get to my host family's house, because for some reason I can't access my school e-mail right now. My cell phone e-mail address right now is andrew-ouji@softbank.ne.jp, but don't send me really long e-mails because it costs me ¥15 to view them. Short and to the point is key. Should anyone want to call my cell phone, it is 090-6601-9330. That is, if you can figure out how to use a phone card. It always takes me like 5 tries to get it right.
Current Mood: calmcalm
30 August 2007 @ 04:00 pm
In Japan.

Current Mood: impressedimpressed
15 August 2007 @ 10:31 pm
I feel more and more like I'm losing her, like she's actively trying to forget I exist.

I don't know why she does these things to me, all I've ever wanted to do is make her happy...was I forcing her to love me? I thought love was something you had to work at, and so I did. Whenever she tried to leave or break up, I stopped her, I kept holding on, because I knew that she loved me...

Maybe I wasn't meant for an eternal love. She said she'd love me forever, but I guess as David Bowie said, "No one can blame you for walking away." I said I'd love her forever too. I meant it. And I guess that really sucks for me.

What will happen with us when I get to Japan?
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: The Fixx
12 August 2007 @ 08:21 pm
For those people that would like to see it, this is a little blog I made for Joy to post pictures of the baby: Sebastian Lowe Ensign.

There are some pictures on there already.
Current Music: Ellegarden
09 August 2007 @ 02:12 pm
This is in the order these e-mails were sent.

First, I sent her a picture of Joy's baby, and I told her I would send her more after the baby was out of the hospital.

"Thank you :) I like babyyy!
I'm happy too, because I could talk to you. Recently I was thinking
about we have to quit our relationship, but it's wrong. We don't have
to :)"

At this point, I'm kinda just saying to myself, "I knew it, I knew I felt something was wrong..."

Now I did something stupid.

"Ohhhh, goooood. I don't want to break up with you sweetie. I'll love you forever. :)

But, please tell me why you thought that we have to quit, sweetie."

Did I really have to know? Was that necessary? Couldn't that have waited until I get to Japan?

The respective answers are no, no, and yes.

Then I get this e-mail:
"Because I think you are childish and rude to another girl.
And I think it's difficult about we are keep going to our
relationship, because our distance are very far. And I afraid of if I
have another important person... then absolutely I can't be move.

Recently I don't love you.. just I like you :'( Sorry you are not
fault. It's my fault.
You don't have to forgive me."

This little icepick chipped a piece of my heart. I started to panic. And cry. It was 2:45 a.m. I wanted to call someone. Who would be up? Who would understand? So I called Ava. She helped me calm down and we talked for a while about stuffs. I talked to a few other people also.

I sent a few frantic e-mails while talking to people:
"But please wait for me! Just a few more weeks! Please give us one more chance, Saori. I know you love me. I really do. I don't want to break up with you, because I love you so much.

And please tell me what girl I was rude to."

"Please, can I still stay with you?"

I really do believe that she still loves me, she's just forgotten what it's like to be with me. My friend Saki made a really good point; she said, "yeah, that's one of the reasons...you're in place where you guys spent time together, but she's not". That makes sense to me. A little while later, I got this e-mail:

"Yeah, you can stay with me :) But please memorise sometimes I think about like that..."

Slowly relief washed over me. I realized that she doesn't want to break up now, and this second chance is just what I need. It actually might be a little fun making her realize that she still loves me.

Oh, and Joy had a baby.
Current Mood: relievedrelieved
Current Music: Madness - It Must Be Love
06 August 2007 @ 01:06 am
...it's my birthday.
Current Mood: blankEmpty
Current Music: Blink 182 - Not Now
26 July 2007 @ 08:24 pm
I don't know if I'll really be having a party this year. I don't need one really. If you were planning on getting me a present (which I don't really expect, since I'm kind of a dick), the only thing I really need is money. You see, the refund from my partnership loan won't come in until 2 weeks after school starts, which will be like September 10th or so. It's really my fault that I don't have money though. I kinda tried to get a job, but I get discouraged when I get turned down for 3 jobs, even with having a sister who works where 2 of the jobs were.

Ahh, fuck.
Current Music: Heart - Crazy On You/Ellegarden - Lost World
26 June 2007 @ 02:03 pm
You guys should go here: http://www.hrc.org/FightHate.

Send an e-mail or something to a senator. This hate crimes bill needs to pass for the good of the country. But hey, I'm preachin' to the choir, right? Just check out the video on that page.
Current Music: Of Montreal - Your Magic Is Working